A 21-year-old secret finally comes out

CHICAGO –– Damian Perez, now 22, came out to his family shortly after turning 21, and since then his life hasn’t been the same. Growing up, Damian anticipated disappointment from his family if he ever decided to tell them he was gay. He could sense them becoming curious as to why he never brought any girlfriends home like his older brother Ruben. Justifying their suspicion, Ruben later found gay porn on Damian’s laptop. Ruben told their mom what he had seen. When confronted by his mother, Damian panicked and said, “I accidentally clicked on it!”

In middle school, boys would tease him for always hanging around girls and not with them. By this time, he already knew something was different about the way he felt but didn’t know what to think of it. In high school Damian started to create fake relationships with girls wanting to fix the way he felt. “I would pretend to be straight. I always thought that maybe I could change it,” he said. But these made-up relationships only reassured him he was gay.

After high school, Damian began using dating apps to explore his attraction towards males and to uncover his sexuality. Damian could finally be himself through these apps because he knew these men felt the same way he did. The first person he opened up to about being gay was a man 9 years older, who was married to a woman and had a daughter. Damian and this man formed a relationship that didn’t last long but served as an invaluable lesson to him. “He showed me what I didn’t want,” Damian said, “I didn’t want to be 30 going through a divorce and finally coming to terms with being gay after having started a family with a wife and kids.”

It wasn’t until Damian met his first serious boyfriend, Michael, that he found the courage to tell his family he was gay. Damian fell in love with Michael and wanted to share his love for him to the rest of the world. Damian still feared the rejection he would receive from his parents, but he also knew he had Michael’s support and didn’t want to keep living a lie. He told Ruben first. Ruben, through his tears, told Damian he would always be accepting of him and that he would be there to help him come out to his parents, which is exactly what Damian wanted.

Damian’s parents were not understanding of his sexuality. They tried to find a reason for why this was happening to their son, looking for something or someone to blame. Damian reassured them that it was no one’s fault. He told them that he still hoped to find love, have a beautiful wedding, and start a family of his own. He wanted them all to be a part of it. Since coming out to his family, they’ve all grown closer to Damian and more accepting of his way of loving another human. “Having to tell my family that I’m gay was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” but now he says happily, “This is who I am and nothing is going to change it.”